Evan Mccullagh….
My Fist official boyfriend, My first kiss, my first hand held in the car, my first park and makeout, my first break up and what feels like my hundredth broken heart…
To be honest I blame facebook for everything!! Things went so fast because we were talking everyday on facebook….. at the beginning it was 3 or 4 times a day… and not just short chats either. But long deep messages talking about ourselves, what we did that day fallowed by a series of questions for each other…. It is a really fast easy way to get to know someone, but very impersonal! We would only see each other on weekends…. And when we were together it was almost as though we had nothing to talk about, we had already told each other every little thing we did the week before and as far as questions go, well I had asked him everything you could think of in our messages so that left us in a awkward quietness. We both said that it wasn’t awkward in those silent moments but truth be told I was sad. Because deep inside I knew that we should be able to talk to each other and not just send messages.
Evan was just like every other guy I have ever had feelings for…. Saying things to make me believe that he cared for me….
i'm just going to be blunt right now and say that you are a fantastic girl... and i am glad i met you on the weekend, and look forward to getting to know you more... i hope thats not too bold for ya... i just wanted you to know that.
Hey, don't worry I think I can see ya smiling :) and In less then 2 weeks I hope to see ya still smiling :) Its crazy, this connection that we have... I have never felt this way before and been able to talk this blunt and long before and this is just amazing... and I mean every word I say... I'm still smiling from you calling me a great guy... i am very blessed to have met you and to be getting to know you.
… I agree we do need to decide what we are and I really care about you and .. and do want us to be a couple and which I feel we can be :) Dating ish is over rated but when your actually boyfriend and girlfriend your in a different relationship then just on a date here and there... being boyfriend and girlfriend isn't overrated... I hope that makes somewhat sense..lol...
but to answer your question I do think we are a couple :)
.. and I'm honoured to be your man :).. its official now... its on facebook :P
I know its crazy exciting to be official, I never thought something like this would happen so fast, but it feels so right :)
I can't wait to hold you next weekend :) and I'm really looking forward to the drive in ;)
I look forward to hearing the song :) I know its crazy how this has worked out, and even thoug it has been going fast, I definitly feel we were made for each other and I'm so glad our paths did come across :)
I am very serious about this relationship. I would not of gotten into a relationship again unless it was going to be very serious and long term... I really care about you :)
Awww.... :) Your the best thing as well, I did not think I would be able to meet such a beautiful, christian girl with so much compatibilty... and I am blessed... you are right, there will be hard times but we will work together to go through them to make our relationship stronger :)
Thats just brought a huge smile to my face when you said I was good looking... maybe it was because you were tired lol.... I love looking at you as well... there is a physical attraction and an emotional/ attraction as well.. I think were a match :)
Well my love, where do I begin... I am really thrilled about how you feel about being together and growing together... That is exactly what I want to do and you are amazing and have the qualities in a girl that I want to be with :) We have our differences but to me those are so small, and if we truly believe in this relationship we can work through them :) Thank you for opening your heart and being honest with me, I'm glad you feel comfortable talking with me about this and I feel very comfortable talking about anything with you. I know saturday night was hard for you and I apologize, in the morning I knew something was bothering you and I'm glad I was able to get you to talk about it... and that "attach" I don't know, I am at a loss about it and very embarrased about it especially since I do not remember it at all... The last thing I want to do is hurt you babe... I care about you so much :) I have fallen for you :)
God has a hand in everything especially with this relationship, and we will continue to compliment each other for sure.
You can say it a million times and I'lll still smile babe :) I never thought I would be able to meet someone like you and have the connection and freedom to talk about anything and be this honest with each other with out it being awkward
I don’t know if he is the one for me or not…. Somedays I still believe he is. For the simple reason that he was 100% the man that I believe God is saving just for me. Evan was not the “type” of guy that I thought I wanted to be with … if you had asked me at the beginning of the year why “type” of guy do you want I would nevr have said “someone really super smart… tall and skinny… with weird facial hair… who has a serious problem with being to close to his parents.” I always said I wanted a farmer, Evan however was very much a city boy and didn’t even know what mustard was in the field! I always said I wanted a leader, someone to be the head of my house hold… but not Evan, he may have tried but he was not a natural leader…. Not at all. I wanted a man that loved kids…. Evan had never held a baby.
I feel like Evan has a piece of me that I will never get back… I never understood that saying until now…. I didn’t understand why you couldn’t just take it back and move on. But I let Evan into my heart…. And told him my deepest secrets that no one on earth knows about because I wanted to be honest with him about everything… but now that he ended things I feel like my secrets are no longer safe and I hate knowing that someone else knows all about me.
I wish that I had taken things slower
I wish that I had never added him to facebook
I wish that I knew what he was feeling right now
I wish that I had never told him every little thing about myself
I wish I didn’t miss kissing him
I wish I wasn’t so carless with my words in my last message to him
I wish he didn’t end things over the phone
I wish that he didn’t make me a cd like 4 days before he ended things.
I wish I held him longer the last time he hugged me
I wish I had the guts to tell him that I want to fight for him and not let this end.
I wish he would tell me how he feels
I wish he was at my oma and opas anniversary
I wish he had been honest and told me the moment he doubted us.
I wish I told him how amazing he was more often
I miss having someone tell me I’m beautiful
I miss having someone to hold my hand
I miss having someone to say goodnight to
I miss having someone to be a better person for
I miss having someone to dream about the future with
And she tries, not to cry, as the tears, fill her eyes. Can you hear me.... am I getting through tonight? Can you see him.... can you make this feel alright??
