The way he makes me feel...

Well what can I say... I'm crazy about the guy! I have never in my life felt so compelled to be so open and honest with anyone before. Just listening to his voice brings me joy! HE makes me feel like I am special... like I am unique.. like I have a reason to be here!! Like its ok to have really big dreams, but its also ok when things don't happen the way that I think they should.When I hear his voice my heart gets warmer :) When he sits next to me it takes my breath away, when he walks into a room my heart starts beating faster, and when I catch him looking my way.... I fall in love!! I know that its a cliche but he truly makes me want to be a better person. He is 100% EVERYTHING that I want and that I know I need. I want him to fall in love with me...I want him to raise my children with me and I want him to grow old with me:)
Here are a few songs that may help you understand the way he makes me feel...

There’s a place in your heart, nobody's been,
Take me there.
Things nobody knows,
Not even your friends,
Take me there.
Tell me bout your momma, your daddy, your hometown,
Show me around,
I want see it all, don't leave anything out
I want to know, everything about you.
And I want to go, down every road you've been.
Where your hopes and dreams, and wishes live,
Where you keep the rest of your life hid,
I want to know the girl behind that pretty stare,
Take me there.
Your first real kiss, your first true love, DR
You were scared.
Show me where,
You learned about life, spent your summer nights, without a care.
I want to roll down main street, the back roads,
Like you did when you were a kid
What made you who you are,
Tell me what your story is.
I want to know, everything about you.
And I want to go, down every road you've been.
Where your hopes and dreams, and wishes live,
Where you keep the rest of your life hid,
I want to know the girl behind that pretty stare
Take me there.
Take me there~Rascal Flats

There’s a place I’ve been lookin’ for
That took me in and out of buildings
Behind windows, walls and doors
And I thought I found it
Couple times, even settled down
And I‘d hang around just long enough
To find my way back out
I know now the place that I was trying to reach
Was you, right here in front of me

And I wouldn’t change a thing
I’d walk right back through the rain
Back to every broken heart
On the day that it was breakin’
And I’d relive all the years
And be thankful for the tears
I’ve cried with every stumbled step
That led to you and got me here, right here
It’s amazing what I let my heart go through
To get me where it got me
In this moment here with you
And it passed me by
God knows how many times
I was so caught up in holding
What I never thought I’d find
I know now, there’s a million roads I had to take
To get me in your arms this way

In a love I never thought I’d get to get to – here
And if that’s the road
God made me take to be with you

And I’d relive all the years
And be thankful for the tears
I’ve cried with every stumbled step
That led to you and got me here, right here
Here~Rascal Flats

So for now all I can do is wait and pray that someday he will be the one that i get to fall in love with ;)

I miss Thomas....

Today marks a very hard day for me... today marks the official one year anniversary of the death of my beloved friend Thomas....I can remember sitting in our living room on that Tuesday of last October when Britt called to inform me of his passing.... It hit me really hard, I cared about him a lot. He was like another grandfather to me but at the same time he was my best friend. I know that He loved me very much... as I did Him. At first I was really mad that I didn't get to say good bye to him but at the same time it didn't bother me to much because the day that everyone went to say good bye was the day that I got to meet Chase in person, and that was a good day for me! It was hard for me to get over the fact that he was gone and then when all the crap with the youth group and the church started I just felt like I really needed him around to talk to and for him to tell me it was going to be ok... I couldn't understand why God took him from me right before it seemed like everything fell apart... In the end Im a better person after all of this!! I had to grow up ALOT! It has seemed like after that day my life was put on hold... and no matter what I did I just couldn't get out of it.. I missed Thomas!! I needed him to tell me that I didn't deserve all of this crap that was happening to me. He always used to say "just do it" and someday I want to get those words tattooed on me because on the days when it feels like I cant go on I want to remind myself to "just do it" because through Jesus Christ I CAN do all things!

The Memory of Thomas will live on in my heart forever. Someday I will sit and tell my kids about their Grandpa Thomas, a man who's heart was on fire for the Lord, a man that lived a horrible life but then turned it all around when he fell in love with Jesus... A man who taught me to never give up on my dreams and to never doubt what God has in store. Thomas left me his hat... I remember when he asked me if I wanted it... he was already really sick at the time and my eyes filled up with tears and I gave him a really big hug... I think he knew how much I would miss him and he wanted to leave me something from him that I could look at and remember... I miss him soooo much but I know for a fact that he is heaven and that someday I will be there to!!:)

Today my devotion was taken from 2Corinthians 12:7-10

So to keep me from being too elated[ecstatically happy] by the surpassing greatness of the revelations, a thorn was given me in the flesh, a message of Satan to harass me, to keep me from being to elated. Three times I pleaded with the Lord about this , that it should leave me .; But He said to me, "My Grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness" Therefore I will boast all the more gladly of my weakness, so that the power of Christ may rest upon me. For the sake of Christ, then, I am content with weakness, insults, hardships, persecutions, and calamities. For WHEN I AM WEAK , THEN I AM STRONG!

WOW!!! I couldn't have picked a better verse for today if I tried... tears came to my eyes as I was reading this... but these verses are MUCH eayser said than done... its really hard to be "content with weakness, insults, hardships, persecutions, and calamities"

I'm Going to leave you with the Lyrics to 3 Songs that have touched me and helped me in the loss of this Great man:

Praise You in This Storm
words by Mark Hall/music by Mark Hall and Bernie Herms

I was sure by now,God, that You would have reached down
and wiped our tears away,
stepped in and saved the day.
But once again, I say amen
and it's still raining
as the thunder rolls
I barely hear You whisper through the rain,
"I'm with you"
and as Your mercy falls
I raise my hands and praise
the God who gives and takes away.

Chorus:
And I'll praise you in this storm
and I will lift my hands
for You are who You are
no matter where I am
and every tear I've cried
You hold in your hand
You never left my side
and though my heart is torn
I will praise You in this storm

I remember when I stumbled in the wind
You heard my cry to You
and raised me up again
my strength is almost gone how can I carry on
if I can't find You
and as the thunder rolls
I barely hear You whisper through the rain
"I'm with you"
and as Your mercy falls
I raise my hands and praise
the God who gives and takes away

I lift my eyes onto the hills
where does my help come from?
My help comes from the Lord, the maker of heaven and earth
I lift my eyes onto the hills
where does my help come from?
My help comes from the Lord, the maker of heaven and earth

"Someone's Watching Over Me"

Found myself today
Oh I found myself and ran away
Something pulled me back
The voice of reason I forgot I had
All I know is you're not here to say
What you always used to say
But it's written in the sky tonight

So I won't give up
No I won't break down
Sooner than it seems life turns around
And I will be strong
Even if it all goes wrong
When I'm standing in the dark I'll still believe
Someone's watching over me

Seen that ray of light
And it's shining on my destiny
Shining all the time
And I wont be afraid
To follow everywhere it's taking me
All I know is yesterday is gone
And right now I belong
To this moment to my dreams

So I won't give up
No I won't break down
Sooner than it seems life turns around
And I will be strong
Even if it all goes wrong
When I'm standing in the dark I'll still believe
Someone's watching over me

It doesn't matter what people say
And it doesn't matter how long it takes
Believe in yourself and you'll fly high
And it only matters how true you are
Be true to yourself and follow your heart

So I won't give up
No I won't break down
Sooner than it seems life turns around
And I will be strong
Even if it all goes wrong
When I'm standing in the dark I'll still believe
That I won't give up
No I won't break down
Sooner than it seems life turns around
And I will be strong
Even when it all goes wrong
When I'm standing in the dark I'll still believe
That someone's watching over
Someone's watching over
Someone's watching over me

And Now My Lifesong Sings Lyrics
Casting Crowns

I once was lost, but now I’m found
I once was lost, but now I’m found
So far away, but I’m home now
I once was lost, but now I’m found
And now my lifesong sings

I once was blind, but now I see
I once was blind, but now I see
I don’t know how, but when He touched me
I once was blind, but now I see

And now my lifesong sings
And now my lifesong sings
And now my lifesong sings

I once was dead, but now I live
I once was dead, but now I live
Now my life to You I give
Now my life to You I give
Now my life to You I give

Hallelujah
Hallelujah
Let my lifesong sing to You

Where to start?

So I have decided that I need a blog to talk to because some days it feels like there is no one around to talk to... Like today!! Ahhhhhh my world has flipped upside down my heart is breaking and im happy all at the same time!!
There are NO words so explain how I feel I suppose I should start with last night my feelings from last night----> Why God? Why cant I just have this one thing?? I would do ANYTHING... did you hear me A N Y T H I N G!!Why does my heart always end up hurting? Why do I choose this for myself? Is it because I would rather feel pain than nothing at all?? I just want someone ... anyone who believes in everything that I believe in... is that to much to ask? I'm sooo sick of all of these almost Christians!! A friend, a man, a sister, anything!! i just need something sooo badly RIGHT THE HECK NOW!!!!! Is it wrong for me to feel like I'm sinning just sitting by her while she is drinking? is it normal for me to hate them for smoking a strawberry whatever?? Why is my hear breaking yet again?? Oh ya its because the guy I'm in love with is sitting across from me drinking a cooler and to top it off he just had a smoke... AHHHHHHHHHHHH.... and to make my life even greater... how you ask? Oh well my best friend is sitting next to me with a beer!!! And I'm watching the most retarded movie ever!