Hurting...

Rachel hurt me so bad this past Sunday. She made us go out for lunch with her friends after church, which was ok because I mean it was her birthday but she knew that Chase would be there... it was like the second I saw him walk into church my heart stopped... and then jumped into my stomach... Like how could she do that to me?? She knows how much it hurts to see him and then she makes me go out for lunch with the guy. And than after she apologized... like she didn't know how bad it would be... its hard because I have so much to say to him, but when hes around I have no words!
When I heard this song by the Wrekers for the first time it made me think of Chase...

"The Good Kind"

Do you want to run away together
I would say it was your best line ever
Too bad I fell for it

And I walked alone
Waiting for you to come along
Take my tortured heart by the hand
And write me off

Do you know I cry
Do you know I die
Do you know I cry
And it's not the good kind

You forced me to become strong
When I just craved being weak

And you think you know
And I would like to think so
But do you know that when you go
I fall apart

I'm tired of hiding
Behind these lying eyes
I'm tired of this smile
That even I don't recognize

Do you know I cry

The hurt is so deep that thinking about him or anything to do with him makes me cry! So hers the story about Chase,the short form of corse..

Rachel was planning a buck and doe for her sister Dorthy and almost brother-in-law nick. She sent out an e-mail inviting everyone she knew. I received the e-mail and so did Chase. But Chase being the "genius" that he is replied to the e-mail but instead of just clicking "reply" he clicked "reply all" so I received an e-mail from this stranger names chase telling me that couldn't come the the buck and doe because he was going to be at a tractor pull that weekend... and i was like hmmm this is kind of strange . I also recognized his last name "Whitelaw" because for years Rachel had liked a guy with that last name so i thought that maybe this was him. and well of corse I wanted to know, so I added him to msn. But to this day he believes that it was God or Fate that brought us together and mysteriously we ended up on each others msn list.We really hit it off and we talked every night on msn till 3 or 4 in the morning, for about 3 months.And then I did something that I think was probably the bravest thing i have ever done. I invited him to come meet me at a birthday party in Woodstock for one of the girls that was in youth group. And he said yes! I am pretty sure that i screamed at the computer screen. I had no doubt in my mind that Chase Whitelaw was the man that I had been waiting for all of my life. To bad I was terribly wrong, and he would turn out to be the third guy to break my heart! So he came down and we had what i thought was an amazing day, and to top it off before he left he hugged me... I think i cried tears of joy on the drive home:) Then he stopped talking to me...he was never on msn,he didn't reply to any text messages, e-mails or phone calls. I didn't know if he was dead or what happened but it turns out he just wasn't interested and he felt that the best way to solve the "problem" was to stop talking to me. OUCH I HAD NEVER IN MY LIFE FELT SUCH PAIN...and to top it all off the day that I met him was the day that my friends went to say goodbye to Thomas, my friend that passed away... I never did get to say goodbye to him but I thought that it would be worth it because I was meeting the "love of my life" haha that was a joke. And now I'm kicking myself for not letting Thomas know how much I loved him and how much I would miss him! For a while I thought a lot about what could have gone wrong.. was it the fact that i was on my cell phone a lot, or because i was so concerned about getting paid back from all of the youth? Was it the say I looked,the way I hugged him or the way I talked? I went through a few very hard months, thinking that I wasn't good enough. I still struggle with it but its getting better now. I think it will always be hard to see him tho. I'm so mad at him still. I wish he had just given me the time to tell him how i felt and explain to him how much he hurt me. I wish he had been honest about why he didn't want to be friends, because to this day I still have no idea.
So ya thats the "Chase story" in a nut shell!!!